so the DAY after we get home is JULY 24th.. !!
I remember when Kristin was in japan with me.. I said to her.. my kids are going to JUST die.. as fireworks and the whole party that comes with july 24th!! as there is always some kind of sweet swim party..
OR maybe I said.. dude.. HAVE me a party..
well of course.. my kristin.. was ON IT!! thinking back on it now.. I can NOT help but feel guilty of HOW MUCH I basically leaned on her!!!!
I just could not help myself!! its OCTOBER!!! all of this should have been journaled LONG before.. but I have called her up since and lamented to her my concerns of a sweet little someone:) and asking her to HELP ME!!
lost with all the paper work of 1st grade.. she NEVER acts put out!! she ALWAYS takes the time to help me!! support US!!
even when I was lost of what books you should be reading at your level.. not hours later.. where a bag of books on our doorstep!!

SO looking over these.. I just remember it being RIGHT where I wanted to be.. the place I had MISSED!!! as even when you boys were younger.. I was pregnant with my truly... it would be that dusk hour.. AT out of town.. Sean working late.. scott would come over or Rach would tell us they were jumping in the pool..
just low key.. feeling ALWAYS a feeling of goodness..
I LOVE being around her.. as she is GOOD with who she is.. so honest..so pure.. and DOESNT even know it!!!
you can ASK her anything.. and HEAVENS KNOWS you both do.. ( jonah and tad)
she so follows it to the end!!!! which is sometimes what both you crave.. takes us down the road of all possibilities!!!

SO back to the next day.. I STILL can feel smell and remember this day.. it was so INTENSE... is that the word??? maybe vibrant??
I just saw every little thing.. I felt so much love.. not even so much at us or for us.. but FOR THEM!!!!!!
kim... my LP.. as I have come to love anyone connected to these collins.. as remember the year we seriously could have gone to EVERY LP summer trip!!! I had NO shame.. truly you were just about a year!! I was like THIS IS MY SUMMER.. so even when AT was gone for two of the trips.. I took you boys alone!!!
OLSENS!!! bringing his big o'l case of monavie!!! which two things.. OLSENS and monavie that have started and made this ALL possible.. renewed eyes.. of BE MORE.. BE GRATEFUL!!!

is mom a routine girl..
YES
does mom function so good if things are not in order
NO
does mom like to play a little game called.. TIME!!! I am unpacked lickedy spilt and ready to fall back into our routine ASAP
YES

I just remember being relaxed( yes jaime relaxed) and soaking it all in.. did things need to be perfect.. just yet..
NO

everything, there was just SO much of everything.. that I tried to move ever so slow.. take the time to breathe.. as THIS is our life.. we had been away for time that coming home.. I could ONLY see and feel good. support.. knowing FULL well.. it takes a village.. it SO TAKES A VILLAGE!!!

dinner was brought over.. I didn't even fight it.. or feel like.. PLEASE NO don't!!! please.. don't think of me.. I swear we can function.. instead.. I was like BRING it!!! as they made my FAVORITE~~ grilled salmon with jilles, dill cucumber dip!!! I promise.. ate half the fish.. the SECOND the walked out the door!!!!

even my besties.. held back.. laid low.. there was a pack!!! even in THAT I felt the support... knowing full well WHO I NEEDED to see.. WHO had carried me mentally in ways.. I didn't even KNOW.. or SEE coming!!
a sweet dear lizzie basket!!

jenkies.. running by!! i SWORE.. I would continue to picture it up...capture everything of gratefulness.. why the distractions??
I actually know.. but I am too ashamed to say:(
let me get back to this place.. or pure gratefulness.. no matter what.. we as a family.. have the opportunity to see good in ALL around us..
insert!!!
let me be more like my tad!! positive!!!
gratitude!! I should be not only thinking of 5 things a day.. but 5 things per second!!! for all the LOVE!!!!!
I take it SO personal with your children and your ingratitude at times..
HELLO... example please..
let it start with me!!! ME!!!!! I recommit to be MORE!!!

I can NOT help but see this picture.. I am leaning so into jill.. I can SEE and remember my happiness.. my overwhelmed self.. of this is IT!! moms... MOMS to help and guide me along.. to tell me.. yes been there done that.. this is what I learned.. heres how I can help.. friends for my kids to play with.. learn from.. even going into their homes.. and being taught a SWEETER way of FHE.. scripture study..
if you children leave THIS house without a testimony of this gospel.. that is SO on YOU!!!

I cant help but just be flooded all over again.. with the SUPPORT of being able to slide right back in.. ED even signed you ( tad up for soccer) I mean FOR real.. how else would that team take everyone to school with out your skills??

rachael.. RACHAEL.. I see this and can still here your squeal of excitement!!!!

"i have a SWEET life my tooth is loose"

you and jonah could NOT be any different...
make me LAUGH and really appreciate YOU!!!
as ever since jonah had a loose tooth.. you have been basically YANKING yours out!!! even when jonah was hanging by a thread.. he WIGGED when I tried to help it along!!! ( mostly cause the taste of blood)
but YOU!! you literally come to me and say "yank on it SUPER HARD!!!! well tonight while snuggling, tucking you in.. I pushed it back..
well that really made it MORE wiggly.. you would have thought it was Christmas!!! biggest smile!!!
"I am going to get MONEY!!!"
tad..
we went and did test today with dr fontaine!! I KNEW what your results would be!!!
off the charts of pure happiness!!!
you GIVE me a run for my saneness!! really just sometimes.. MOST times.. you just do not let up.. your mind is constantly thinking.. turning.. questions.. interest.. UUUUMMMMHHHHHH I wonder where you get it???
but for a person that has her own hard time settling .. it can be trying, as I am trying to wrap my brain around it all myself..
I just can not get enough of you and your positive out look and attitude of " you can NOT get me down.. or change my mind that this ROCKS!!!!!! i have a lifetime to learn from you!!!!

mom I have to tell you a secret....
you a princess softly whispered into my ear!!!
truly!!