as i started to reflect.. I looked back.. those first few months.. I was just pumped up.. i was soaking it all in.. just feeling blessed.. every single moment.. to hit a bit of a wall.. and HERE is what I realized..
about feb.. i was getting WORN out.. sheer exhaustion was starting to set in...... I want to cut back.. i thought what will make the stress of it all less..
so I cut out on church.. slowly started using the day to get caught up.. "lets hit a park" " lets do something a bit less stressful"
let me use this as a day to get the groceries, the MOUNDS of diapers and wipes we go thru........

to come to a point that it FINALLY dawned on me.............. the stuff it still hitting me.. they are just starting to seem more and more heavy.. its the same events.. its the same things.. WHY did they not seem to lay me out for so many months???????

the only thing that was different really was our church attendance.. sure a lot of other variables.. but THIS one stuck out to me the most.. right about the time..i let the slacking become a full on SKIPPING.. the trials were getting to heavy for me.. i was breaking!!!!!!!!!!
SO here we are.. plugging in again.. ozzy my sweet boy that wants to be on me.. but almost cant TAKE the humid uncomfy!!!!!
so i sneak into an unused room for the last 20 minutes of church to just give you some peace.. and have the AIR ON FULL blast!!!!!
as in nursery we have an investigator that TURNS off the air.. as she is TOO cold.. almost kills you and I.. truly just happy as can be... sweating and playing:)
but as I rock you.. and get to read up on some tourists things I want to hit with the collins.. I here familiar laughter.. in perfect japanese.........
I simply KNOW I am RIGHT where I am suppose to be.. humid, sweat and tiredness.......... still the trials SHOULD be welcomed!!!!!!
as I know he lives.. I KNOW he forgives... so good to feel his love.......
let me not fail you children again..... I am truly sorry...